Finding Ianto Jones
by gaia-x-goddess
Summary: Ianto is back after he went missing for a week. Owen is trying to find out what happened while Jack finds out about Ianto's childhood. Ianto is left alone...'for his own good' but he ends up having flashbacks which Jack experiences. Jack/Ianto obviously.
1. Chapter 1

_This is based on an idea i had while i was sitting, very bored, in a German lesson. Please review! Enjoy._

Dr Owen Harper looked down at Ianto Jones thoughtfully.

"Okay Ianto. Where were you this past week? We know where you weren't, we looked there-so where were you?"

Jack watched him patiently.

"Come on, Yan. Tell the scary man?" he asked.

"I was busy, okay?" Ianto said.

Owen turned to Jack. "It's weird…he's just not telling us anything."

Ianto stood up and headed to the kitchen.

"It's a mystery, Jack. Wherever he was, whatever he did whilst he was missing…it's done something to him, mentally."

"Keep working on it Owen." Jack stood up and strode out, determined not to show any emotion until he was safe in his office. Then he could break down.

_Yan, what happened? _He asked silently.

Ianto entered with his coffee.

"Thanks. Yan, sit down."

"Okay Sir."

"And…it's Jack."

"Yes Sir."

"Now…what's wrong Yan?"

"Seriously, Jack? Nothing. I just took some time off."

"I know you Ianto. I…I know you well…remember?"

"Jack…"

Jack came round, sliding his mouth to Ianto's neck, ready to kiss it. To his surprise, Ianto backed away, shaking.

"Please…don't."

Bewildered and hurt Jack looked at him. "Yan, what is the matter? Please tell us…or just tell me. Owen needs to know for your health…I need to know because I care about you. Why won't you say?"

"You don't want to know. It's just for me to know, okay?" Ianto rushed out of the door, past Gwen and Tosh and into the street until he was out of sight on all their CCTV cameras.

"I care about you so much…" Jack whispered, letting Ianto go.

Owen came in.

"No luck, then?" he asked, ignoring the fact his boss was rather upset.

"You tell me."

"His scans show he's still Ianto…but he appears t be terrified of something, don't you think?"

Gwen came in, obviously worried about Ianto. They all were. He had just turned up this morning, after a week away, with no explanation.

"Jack? Should we go after him?"

"No…let him have some time alone. I'll go round his flat later, check he's okay. Just carry on working." He told her flatly.

Gwen nodded. "Jack-are you all right?"

"I'm fine."

Owen saw the determined glint in his eye and grimaced.

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to find Ianto's inner child. I think I should visit his family and check with them about Ianto's behaviour as a child. Torchwood effects us all in different ways. Maybe this is Ianto's way of dealing with it."

"Not very likely, is it?"

"I need to know."

Owen nodded.

"Jack? Do you love him?"

"I think…yes. Why?"

"Does he know that?"

"He…well…I'm sure he feels it…"

"Have you ever told him?"

"No…Why, could it be connected?"

"Um…well…have you read his files? His family doesn't love him, he lost his girlfriend and he's deeply in love with someone who never says it, giving the impression that he doesn't care. Wouldn't you be upset?"

Jack was. Very upset. Did he really give that impression? That he just viewed Ianto as…a shag?

"I know I shouldn't love him. But I do…" he whispered to Owen. "Why the hell am I telling you this anyway? I should be finding out about Ianto…"

He strode away, giving Owen enough time to glance down at his desk before he came out of the office.

An address was ringed.

Ianto's parents.

Hadn't he read the file? Didn't he know what they were like?

Or was his love really that strong?

Ianto Jones stared at the knife in his hands.

Just one little cut and the pain would end.

Just one little cut…

_Well...if you enjoyed, review. If not, review. Thanks!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed-i didn't think anyone had because i didn't get emailed, then i went on fanfiction and saw the story! So, thank you so much!_

_Enjoy..._

Ianto Jones stared at the knife in his hands.

Just one little cut and the pain would end.

Just one little cut…

It wasn't as if there was anything to live for, was there? There was Jack who didn't know he loved him. Jack who viewed Ianto as a body with no feelings. There was his job, which would kill him off pretty soon, no doubt. There was Owen who liked him for his coffee. There was Tosh who…well…fine, Tosh was one bright point in his day, always smiling or sympathetic but not crowding you like Gwen. Gwen who probably didn't realise he had feelings too.

There was his family…

Jack got out of the car, the perfect picture of smoothness and calm. Inside he was nervous-meeting Ianto's family wasn't something he had ever pictured himself doing.

But he had to do it for Ianto.

He stepped up to the gate, viewing the ordinary house with mistrust.

He rang the bell-for Ianto.

A short, squat little woman opened the door.

"Yes?" she enquired.

"I'm Jack-Cap'n Jack Harkness. I'm Ianto's-" he hesitated-what should he say? _Friend? Lover? Boss? Shag…? _"Boss. I work with him." He didn't know what Ianto had said about his job-if he had said anything. He just had to guess.

"Oh! Is he okay?" her caring attitude was pretty realistic but somehow Jack wasn't quite convinced.

"Yeah-it's just a standard thing. We check up on our employees families-we're quite a personal business, this is a new thing. Is it okay if I come in? Coffee, two sugars?"

"Come in!" she smiled. "What do you need to know?"

"About his friends, family, childhood…if you could give me some contacts that'd be great!"

"Of course, any mother loves talking about her children!" she said.

"Great."

Jack stepped over, ignoring the shudder that he couldn't help as he entered the place of Ianto's childhood.

_I'm doing this for him._

Owen studied Ianto's results-again. He knew it all looked normal-but the proof was in the man. Something wasn't right. Something…mental. Jack? He was enough to disturb anyone but even Owen could see how much Ianto loved Jack.

_Sometimes love is right in front of you._

Owen walked past Tosh, staring at her for slightly longer then necessary.

_Ianto and Jack might never be together. Grasp love while you can._

He considered walking up to Tosh-"_about that date…"_- but instead carried on walking past her desk.

She didn't notice a thing.

Tosh watched Owen walk off and sighed.

"Tosh? Any news from Jack?" Gwen asked.

"None. Lets hope he's okay…" Tosh replied. They had all read Ianto's file.

Ianto stared at the knife through his tears. He brought it slowly down…but blacked out before it reached him.

He was in a place he had never wanted to see again.

_Thanks for reading-please review!_


	3. Chapter 3

_I'm so sorry it tok so long to update. I went to Switzerland but i spent the plane time thinking of Torchwood so i have loads of ideas! There's a really good ending i have writen but i need to carry on with this for a while..._

_Thanks for reading!_

Ianto stared at the knife through his tears. He brought it slowly down…but blacked out before it reached him.

He was in a place he had never wanted to see again.

He stared at his room emotionlessly. It was where he had slept. Nothing more.

He turned around, wondering why he was here and how.

He hadn't even managed to kill himself properly.

Shit.

Or was this death?

_If this is death then I must have gone to hell._

"So, Cap'n Jack. What do you want to know?"

"Well…what was Ianto like as a child?"

"Very quiet. He didn't get on with Freddy at all…there were reports of bullying at school but it was never confirmed…"

"Bullying?" Jack leaned forward. "Ianto was bullied? Why?"

"No…when I say bullying I mean Ianto was the bully."

"Ianto…a bully? Ianto Jones? Are we talking about the same person here?"

"Well…frankly my Yan was always a terribly behaved child. I tried my best, of course…" she shrugged.

"Of course."

_That didn't sound like Ianto. A bully?_

"Would you like to see his room? I haven't touched it…"

"Thank you, yes. That'd be lovely."

Jack followed Ianto's mum upstairs. When he was showed Ianto's room he entered and sat on the bed.

The room had a bed.

That was it.

Jack suddenly felt very sick.

That wasn't it.

Underneath the pillow was a knife.

And it was covered in old blood.

Jack felt really sick.

Was he going to throw up?

Suddenly his eyes glazed over and he collapsed onto the hard, cheap bed.

When he opened his eyes he saw Ianto.

Owen stared at Tosh.

Tosh stared at Owen.

Gwen entered the room.

"What the…"

"It was a staring competition. Jack's gone and we're bored-and worried. Owen suggested it…" Tosh blushed, ashamed that her sensible look had been crushed by agreeing to stare at Owen.

_Does she know I suggested it so I could stare at her without being pervy? _Owen wondered.

Ianto Jones was reliving his worst day ever.

The first day of his new school.

He could remember every detail.

As he watched himself, he cried out.

He knew what happened next…

_Thanks so much-please review!_


	4. Chapter 4

_I know this chapter is a bit dark but i promise you now it has a happy ending! I promise!_

_Thank you so much to anyone who has reviewed!_

Ianto Jones was reliving his worst day ever.

The first day of his new school.

He could remember every detail.

As he watched himself, he cried out.

He knew what happened next…

"Ianto? How was school?"

"Fine Mum."

"Really? I got a phone call. Know why?"

"Um…" Ianto wriggled uncomfortably.

"They told me you bloody beat some boys up! Why did you do it Ianto? Hmm?"

_Because then you could hurt me through them. Being friends means putting people in danger._

"Dunno Mum."

"Well, I don't give a shit. You're gonna wreck your life anyway-too much like your Dad. But it makes me look bad and I'm not am I? I'm a wonderful Mum with a mucked up son. Isn't that right?"

"Yes Mum. I'm a crapped up son. I know."

_Just don't start on my Dad. _

"Well…did they punish you?"

"They gave me a talking to."

"And…?"

"And…it wasn't enough. I was a naughty boy. I deserve to be punished."

"Good boy. Shall I…?"

"No Mum. I will."

"Show me when you come down to cook tea."

"Yes Mum."

* * *

Jack watched Ianto in the corner of the room. The young mans eyes were unseeing, like he was watching something. Suddenly he cried out in horror.

All of a sudden someone entered the room.

It was Ianto.

Ianto-his Ianto-was staring at his younger self.

Somehow Jack didn't think he was surprised.

It was like Ianto had been expecting his visitor.

"Mum told me I gotta punish myself." Young Ianto said. Jack thought-for a moment-that young Ianto was talking to him before he realised that the teenager was actually talking to himself.

He watched in horror as the boy took out the same knife he had recently been fingering-only this was new and clean-and rolled up his sleeve. The boy calmly cut a slit in his arm, not even grimacing.

Jack forced himself to look away, to look at his Ianto-who wasn't even crying. Just standing there, watching…

"Done it Mum!"

_His Mum knows about this?_

Jack had read the files but all it had said was _child abuse._ He had always presumed it was Ianto's sister who was abused.

That's what Ianto had always said.

_No, not said. Implied._

Shaking, Jack realised how blind they had all been.

_Idiot. Idiot! It was Ianto._

Cursing himself, Jack felt sick when he wondered what had really happened while Ianto was gone…

_But this is just a dream, right? _He thought. He must have panicked over coming to Ianto's house and maybe…fallen asleep or something. He hadn't exactly been sleeping lately.

Meanwhile, his Ianto just stared round the room.

Staring…or looking for something?

* * *

Ianto regained consciousness with a groan. When he remembered the flashback he'd had the bile rose in his throat and he had to run to the bathroom.

Shakily, he stood over the toilet bowl, vomiting. When he was done he flushed the loo and sat on his bed.

Rolling up his arms he looked at the scars and cried.

He remembered the first cut.

But what scared him was…he knew his Mum was right.

_I was a rubbish son. She had all the right to punish me._

Hopefully Torchwood would forget about him. He had no right to friends when he was selfishly putting them in danger.

His Mum would hurt them all.

But…Jack wouldn't forget, would he?

Retcon them?

Where's the retcon?

The other option was the one he had always been to selfish to take.

He took the knife of off the floor and plunged it into his heart.

I'm saving them from her.

The darkness welcomed him with another picture of his old room.

He was in hell. But at least Jack was safe.

He knew his Mum wouldn't care about hurting his friends now that she had got her wish. He was dead.

Jack was safe.

He had felt the knife go in.

_I'm very sorry about leaving it there but Ianto will be fine!_

_Sort of._

_But all will be made better so don't worry!_

_Thanks._

_Xx_


	5. Chapter 5

_Oops, i put the wrong chapter five up so if that confused you i'm very sorry! It was chapter five from 'a drunken call' so thanks to people who pointed that out as i wouldn't have noticed!_

_Thanks to everyone who reviewed-i updated quickly due to threats of weevil crap if i didn't. Well, it made me update pretty soon anyway...This fic is turning out quite dark...it was meant to be fluffy but i just kept getting ideas. Oh well..._

Jack entered the hub at unusually quick speed, even for him.

"Owen, get the SUV-now. We need to go to Ianto's house."

Owen looked up. He looked very pissed off with Jack.

"Um…sorry to contradict you or anything but…if its all the same…"

"Owen. Get. The. SUV. Now." Jack growled.

"Yeah. Right. SUV. Sure." Owen said, hurrying out of the room.

Gwen ran up to Jack.

"Why? What's happened? Jack?"

"I went to his parents house and Ianto was there-"

"You went to his parents house? Have you read the file?" Tosh interrupted.

"Yes, but the files got it wrong. It wasn't his sister-it was Ianto. And then…I saw him…two of him actually. In his room. One was our Ianto-the other…well I think the other one was, what, 13? They were both just images but…well, I got a really bad feeling from our Ianto…he just disappeared…and there was this knife…"

Tosh was shaking her head, trying to make sense of Jack's babble.

"Oh, never mind-come on!" Jack urged. _We have to hurry._

"How do you even know he needs help?"

"Because-" _I saw his face. _"Because-" _It wasn't his sister, it was him! Don't you understand what that means? _"Because."

"Fine." Gwen sighed.

* * *

The pain in his chest faded as he stared round his old room for the second time that day.

_I must be in hell for refusing to kill myself sooner._

This time it was a bit later, maybe when he was 16 or so. He could tell by the blood stains-there weren't enough stains for it to have been past year 11. He shuddered, remembering.

He looked around.

_Where is the younger me? I was hardly ever out of my room. _

* * *

Jack fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat. He wanted Owen to drive full speed to Ianto's house but there had to be traffic. Gwen was glancing at him, as was Tosh-but Jack refused to tell them anything.

The world began to swim in front of his eyes.

"Owen?" he tried to call. The words stuck in his throat and he closed his eyes.

He was in Ianto's room again. It looked older and shabbier and, again, Ianto-his Ianto-was there.

"Yan?" He tried to call. "Yan?"

The younger man gave no sign that he had heard Jack, staring into space again.

"Ianto?"

As if by cue the door opened and young Ianto-slightly older now- was dragged by his mum into the room.

"Mum! Get off me!"

"Now Ianto…have you been punished? You deserve to be don't you? Know why?"

"Because I am a piece of shit who you are looking after at great damage to yourself when I spoil your name as a good mother-which you are." Ianto said, obviously used to this ritual.

"Right! So, I'm waiting…"

Ianto took the knife out-the same one-and rolled his sleeve up.

"Not enough!" His mother hissed. "Do your chest too!"

Obediently Ianto took off his shirt. Sure now that this was a real incident, Jack looked away.

_I don't want to spy on his past._

But he couldn't stop staring at his Ianto who was watching at his past and shivering.

_Does he remember?_ Jack wondered then kicked himself. _Of course he remembers. This was his life._

Jack waited anxiously for the familiar blurring feeling, waiting to return to consciousness.

Sure now that Ianto-wherever he was-needed help.

* * *

_No, no, no. _Ianto screwed up his eyes in horror, trying to stop himself from watching his younger counterpart. _I don't deserve this. I don't…_

Suddenly his vision blurred, like it had before. But this didn't make sense. He was stuck in hell…he was dead.

He could hear voices.

Owens's voice…Tosh's voices…Gwen's voice…

"I think it's too late."

"Owen! Jack's waking up!"

"Ask him what's going on! How he knew Ianto would be like this!"

"No, Gwen! Trust me, I'm the doctor here! Give him water…help him!"

"But Ianto…?"

"He's dead, Tosh. There's nothing I can do."

_Why don't I feel dead? Or is this just part of death? Part of hell?_

_Why am I still being punished? I saved Jack!_

Owens's words hit suddenly.

_Jack! What…happened…to…Jack…_

* * *

Owen watched Jack regain consciousness anxiously.

"Whoa, mate, you okay?"

"Ianto…his stomach…his arms…got to save him…"

"Here-sit down. Tell us what happened."

"No!" Jack stood up, his dizziness already passing. "Ianto's in danger-I could tell. Maybe it's not too late-"

That was when he saw the body.

_So...i feel sorry for Ianto in this but i say again, don't worry! I have an ending that'll-hopefully-make up for all this._

_Please review!_


	6. Chapter 6

_Sorry for the while between updates. I had to rewrite this chapter twice because it was deleted and i had accidently put the wrong chapter 5 up-but thats sorted now, the right chapter five's up._

_Thanks to everyone who has reviewed!_

_I'm dead._

The thought hit him hard as he woke.

Wait…woke? Dead people don't wake.

_Or maybe there really is an afterlife?_

To be honest, he didn't care. He was at his old home and it was going to last forever…

And he'd never see Jack again.

_I saved him. I saved all of them. I deserve hell, for putting them in danger in the first place._

Just then, a voice sounded above his head. It was incredibly loud.

A voice?

In hell?

Well, it wasn't as if he had experienced death but he had always presumed that hell would be what you found most disturbing.

He had always presumed hell would be his childhood, again and again.

Like the flashbacks he had had recently. Reminding him that he couldn't run from his mother anymore. He would always be putting people in danger.

But that voice sounded like Jack's voice.

_I'm deluding myself. I just want to hear his voice._

Oh, hang on. The voice was speaking again…

"…And it wasn't about the coffee, or the sex, Yan, it was because I liked having you around. It wasn't because you wore me down, Yan, it's because I wanted you…we could have helped but you were always so stubborn…we're having our revenge, reporting your mother to the police, finally so she gets what she deserved, for killing you…why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you say...?"

Ianto was pretty sure that was Jack's voice. Now if he was Jack, that would make sense as Jack couldn't die. But he was sure he was human, last time he looked…

Anyway, maybe this was hell.

Listening to your loved ones grieve for you whilst you were unable to talk to them.

_I couldn't talk to him anyway…after that week, I wouldn't be able to talk to him…in case…_

* * *

Jack wiped the tear away angrily.

_I never got to tell him how much I loved him. How he was the only thing that stopped me from running away, going mad with grief for all the people I had lost._

_He never knew…_

_He never felt he could tell me about his childhood…_

_I'll never let that happen again._

Suddenly Owen came running up to Jack, looking scarily happy, considering what had just happened.

"Jack!"

Jack grunted, unable to talk for fear of breaking down completely.

"Jack-you once said you're slightly psychic right?"

Jack nodded, angrily. _Leave me alone with him._

"No, this is about Ianto." Owen correctly interpreted. "You see…I did some research on your death thing. You know…you not dying? And its mind of matter, its 'coz Rose loved you so much, it's not your body, that's normal. It's your mind!" he stopped looking pleased with himself.

"So it's in my mind. I don't give a fucking shit right now Owen, the only person I love just killed himself because of something he never felt he could tell us and he died without knowing I love him so just piss off if you can't be helpful, or kind, okay!" Jack shouted, letting the tears run down his face.

"No, Jack, you don't get it-"

"I don't get what? I don't care about me, just him, so fuck off! That is an order!"

"You're psychic and you and Ianto are so close, I reckon maybe you sort of…transferred minds. Like, when he remembered his childhood, you did too. It makes sense, right?"

_Go away Owen. I don't care about this anymore._

"So maybe, 'coz you can't die, and it's in your mind, Ianto can't die either!"

Startled, Jack stared at Owen. Did he mean…Ianto was immortal…?

_I cursed Ianto too? _

"No…that doesn't work…" said Jack. "Normally I'm alive again by now…"

"Yeah but-he doesn't know you love him! I reckon…that's like, the key. Once he's accepted that love then he'll be like you…"

"He's dead. How am I supposed to let him know that I love him?" Jack snapped.

"Oh…" Owen trailed off. They both glanced down at Ianto.

Jack, still crying, knelt down beside him.

"Yan…I don't know if you can hear me…if you were listening…but if you are, you have to accept it okay? I love you, Ianto Jones and I need you. And if you love me, too, like I think you do, you've got to come back to me, okay? Because without you I'll go mad and lonely and…I'll have nothing to live for…" he was whispering now, the tears running down his face, onto the floor. "Without you…no-one will hold me, no-one will make me laugh and I'll be lonely forever. Without you…" he trailed off, watching the other mans face, hoping for something-anything-to show that he had understood.

He felt Tosh's hand on his shoulder, reassuring him. He could feel Gwen pulling him up and Owen stopping her.

None of it mattered anymore.

Owen was wrong.

Ianto wasn't coming back.

_Next chapter will probably be the penultimate one._

_It depends how much pain i can put Jack through..._

_Please review! Thanks!_


	7. Chapter 7

_So, almost the end. Thanks to everyone who reviewed..._

"Autopsy on Ianto Jones, Torchwood officer…" Owen trailed off as he stared round the empty room. "Right, yeah, if anyone cares…Well, he died of stab wounds he inflicted on himself after having terrible flashbacks about when he was little and his evil mum made him cut himself to punish him and he always believed her that he was the terrible one-if you go by what Jack saw…and, yeah, I thought he was immortal 'coz of the mind thing but he never accepted that Jack can love him so he never became immortal. Yeah…"

He half expected Tosh to step out of the shadows with Jack but the simple truth was, none of them could face it after the recent autopsy on Owen. Jack had locked himself away in his office, Gwen had gone home to Rhys and Tosh…well, she was still up there.

He sighed and covered his friend up-unable to face locking him away for ever. Then he wandered upstairs. "Jack! Um, no-ones in there now so…if you wanted to, you know say anything…" he trailed off.

Tosh heard the shout and turned round to smile at Owen.

"What were you doing?" he asked, coming up to peer at Tosh's computer. She looked embarrassed.

"Um, nothing…just thinking, y'know." She replied.

"Yeah, it's like…he never knew, did he? Ianto, he never knew that Jack…loved him."

"Yeah…"

"Well, that would be awful, right? Poor Jack etc…so…well, Torchwood kills off everyone eventually, 'cept Jack…and I'm not sure about me either, so we may as well make the most of it, right…no secrets and all that…so basically…'coz I don't want the same thing to happen to me-"

Tosh cut off Owen's ramblings with a smile. "Are you asking me out?"

"Well…yeah. Just, you know, about that date…?"

"Sure," she smiled at him. "Ianto would be pleased." She added softly. "That something good could come of this…"

"Yeah." He knew what she meant and she knew he was right. Ianto would be pleased. "Bloody tea boy…" he cursed. Tosh looked at him, startled. "He never told us. He lied. Why?"

She looked at him, serious now. "He really believed it, according to Jack…he relieved believed he was worthless, that he didn't deserve to have friends." Owen looked guilty, no doubt remembering all the times he had snubbed Ianto, put him down. Was it partly his fault?

"No. Owen, it was none of us, it was his Mum, and she was sick, seriously sick!" Tosh said, apparently reading his mind again. He nodded and called up the stairs again-

"Jack!"

"He's already there…" Tosh informed him quietly.

"Oh…" he sighed.

"Leave him." She advised.

"Yeah…"

"Yeah. He's upset, remember? Ianto was probably the closest thing he had as family. After all…his family wasn't up to much."

"What about his Dad?"

"Left when he was young. He was really close to Yan though, according to Jack."

"And his sister?"

"Taken into care. They never managed to nab his Mum for abuse though, and so Ianto had to stay with her."

Owen shivered. "I never suspected…poor Ianto…"

Tosh nodded, the tears starting to fall again. Owen was just about to hug her when he heard Jack's shout-

"Owen! Tosh! It's Ianto! He's alive!"

Owen jumped up and ran to the door, Tosh following. _Dear God, what did he do?_

He ran into the room and bumped into Jack. "Jack, what did you do? Did you use the glove again, 'coz you know what happened last time-" he pointed at himself.

"No, he just…responded. I was trying to tell him I loved him-in case you were right- and he just…" It was only then Owen noticed that Jack was shaking and crying in his arms.

"Its okay!" he soothed nervously. He was no good at this sort of thing. He motioned for Tosh to take care of Jack and he moved over to the table where Ianto was lying. The young man's eyes were open and they stared warily at Owen.

"Don't touch me! Send me back to hell! Don't touch me, I saved him, I saved all of them from her-" Ianto screamed.

"Jesus Christ…" Owen muttered.

"Don't touch me!"

"Hey, Yan its all right, you're not dead."

"I…I felt the knife go in…" Ianto stammered.

"You can't die, okay? Jack can't die, it's in his mind and because he's slightly psychic and also in love with you, you kind of…linked minds, okay? So now you can't die either." Owen explained slowly, as if to a child.

"What about her?"

"She's being locked up as we speak." Jack spoke for the first time. "I made sure of it. You don't have to give evidence-but I want you to talk about it, okay? No more secrets." Jack crossed the room and hugged Ianto, both men crying into the others shoulders.

"No…no more secrets."

"Right then." Said Owen. "Ianto-where were you that week?"

"Do we have to do this now?" Jack glared at him.

"Yes…" Ianto said, unexpectedly.

"Ianto…" Jack glanced at him. "We can wait, honestly-"

"No, Jack." Ianto said soberly. "We may as well get it out into the open-but I'm only saying it once. Call Gwen…"

Tosh hurried out and left Owen and Jack staring at Ianto.

"Is it so bad, Yan?" Jack asked, kissing Ianto softly. There was nothing more that Ianto wanted to do then let Jack comfort him but he knew he had to tell them, otherwise he wouldn't have the nerve.

"Yeah…" he answered.

Tosh entered the room and stood next to Owen-very closely. Jack noticed and grinned.

"Hey-you two! That's great!" he said.

"Yeah…" Owen said, embarrassed. Tosh laughed and kissed him on the cheek. Owen went bright red and smiled down at her. Jack grinned at Ianto.

"I'm glad you came back to me." He whispered.

_Well, please review. It will probably be two chapters-one of Ianto's confession and one of a fluffy, happy scene now they are both immortal..._


	8. Chapter 8

_Thanks to everyone who has rveiewed-it made me write this very quickly!_

Gwen Cooper got out of the car and absentmindedly kissed Rhys on the cheek.

"Thanks, Rhys. Sorry but…"

Used to Gwen being called up at random times due to aliens Rhys merely nodded.

"That's okay, love. Hope your friend is all right…"

"Yeah…" she nodded although she was a bit confused. Last time she had seen Ianto he had been dead…had Owen been right after all?

She hurried into the Hub to be met with Jack and Ianto sitting down and talking to each other whilst Owen and Tosh were playing a game at Tosh's station-they were sitting very close. Gwen grinned at that-it seemed that Ianto's death had pushed them together. But there were more pressing issues-like Ianto.

She ran up to the young man and hugged him hard.

"Ow…" he complained. Jack laughed, and then looked grim.

"Okay boys and girls; let's get this over and done with, shall we?"

"What? Tosh wasn't very clear…" Gwen asked.

"Well, Owen was right but Ianto's going to tell us the basic stuff…like where he was. Best to get it over and done with." Jack explained. Gwen nodded.

Ianto cleared his throat. "I'm just going to ask-once I've said it all…don't feel sorry for me, okay? And don't forget about it but…remember everything else I've done, right?"

They all nodded, slowly, each wondering exactly how bad this was going to be. Jack hugged Ianto protectively, reassuring him.

"Okay, then-here goes…" Ianto took a deep breath and closed his eyes. _I don't want to be able to see their reactions. _"Where was I? Well, actually, I was at my dads. Mum never let me see him…but I always stood up for him. I woke up that day and, when I was washing, I…I looked down and I saw my arm…and it was like, I'd made myself forget, right? Or at least not think about it? And I remembered it all and I couldn't face coming here so…well, I just thought of my dad. It was stupid but I just…turned up there." He stopped, and swallowed. "He didn't know who I was…he was married, he had three kids and he was happy…he just never thought about me at all…" Jack stared at him. He couldn't imagine what that had felt like.

"Well, I started talking and he realised who I was. He…he kept apologising…saying he should have stopped her…I couldn't take it. I turned around and left. He ran up to me, he said he understood and when I recovered I should come and have a proper talk with him, about it all. Turns out he's a psychologist, can you believe it? Anyway…it brought it all back. I rented a hotel room and I stayed there until I decided the best thing to do would be to quit. To run away…so you were safe."

He looked up and smiled at Jack, though there was no happiness in it. "I couldn't have friends, ever. It was too dangerous for them, with my mum…if she hurt them, to spite me …" he trailed off. "So, after a week, I came back here. But I couldn't do it. I just…didn't talk…well, you know. I knew that if I talked, if I tried to tell you…I would break down…I didn't think you'd understand."

"Yan…" Jack rocked him, trying to keep himself from crying. _I never realised._

"Then, when I ran away, I tried to kill myself but I had… a flashback…well, you know…you had it too, right? It was of…the first time she made me cut myself. Then I woke up and…I did kill myself…but the flashbacks continued. That second one, that was…the worst time…I thought I was in hell-I thought I deserved hell, for putting you in danger. But…I could hear you…but I couldn't respond…and you said you loved me…but I thought you were a ghost…"

He stopped and the room was deadly quiet, no-one wanted to speak.

"Then I listened, and it was Owen and then…it was you…and I realised that…that I loved you…"

"I love you too." Jack said. "And a good thing, 'coz you're going to stay with me for a long time."

He looked up at the others. Jack glanced down at Ianto; the younger man was falling asleep in his arms. He smiled at them-"Go upstairs. I'll leave him to rest; I'll just be a sec."

They nodded and left. Jack laid Ianto down and kissed the top of his head. Then he left him to sleep, thinking _He needs all the rest he can get…Ianto, oh Yan…_

When he went upstairs, everyone was standing there awkwardly; none of them could really believe what Ianto had just told them.

"He hid it well…" Owen said quietly. "I never suspected…he was just so…y'know…I wouldn't have been so mean but…"

"Yeah." Tosh agreed. She looked at Jack. "So, is he okay?"

"I'm not sure." Jack admitted. "That was really hard for him, after covering it up for all this time."

"Does he still think his mum was right? That he was the bad one?"

Jack sighed heavily. "It's hard for him to accept that she was wrong, that he was a good person. But…I think…he's accepting it…"

Gwen broke the awkward silence with a question she really wanted to know the answer too.

"Jack? Can you and Ianto talk mind to mind now? Like, you think something to him and you can, like, have a conversation? Can you read each others minds?"

"If we can, I'm not going to. It's 51st century etiquette, you can talk by minds but not read them." Jack told her.

"That could be useful…" Owen muttered.

"Yeah." Jack agreed. He was smiling, for what seemed like the first time in days. "Hey, guys, do you think you could manage the Hub tomorrow for a day? I think Ianto needs a day off, and we need to talk etc. If you need help-I know, why don't I get Martha to come in? We all need a rest? Gwen, you need to spend time with Rhys and Tosh, Owen-I'm sure you need a day off. Let's make it a weekend off! I'll call Martha now…"

He wandered off, happily. It had just sunk in-because of love, Ianto was going to be with him forever.

Martha was all too happy to help when she learnt exactly what had happened over the past week. She offered to make the Doctor come and help her look after the Hub, or should she bring some friends from UNIT? Jack told her 'whatever…' and wandered back down to Ianto. He was still sleeping and looked peaceful. Jack suddenly felt very much in love and covered the sleeping man up with a blanket, giving him a quick kiss on the head. Then he went to let Martha in.

"You came quickly!"

"How is he?"

"Sleeping, leave him; he's been through too much."

"Yeah. Where are you going tomorrow? And where are the others?"

"Gone already. Their all so tired…and tomorrow, I have an idea but it's up to Yan…"

"I know where I want to go." Ianto said, behind them. He grinned at Martha who hugged him.

"Well, do you have anyone with you?" asked Jack.

"Nah, I'm going to call the Doctor."

"Well, say hi." Jack hugged her hard and warned her not to touch the coffee machine before he and Ianto departed.

"Well, where are we going?" Jack asked.

"My Dad's house. I want to catch up with him but I need you there…" Ianto said. Jack leaned over to kiss him.

"Of course I'll come. And then…back to my flat?"

"Actually…have you ever been to mine?"

"No…well, I did yesterday but, you know, finding you dead was a bit more important then admiring the décor." Jack said dryly.

"Great, then…" Ianto said, getting in the SUV. He looked a bit sick, Jack noticed.

"He'll understand. He's your dad…" Jack said.

"Yeah. Anyway-you're with me." Ianto said. Jack kissed him but Ianto pulled away. "I'm driving, remember?"

"Yan? Your Dad won't care you're gay, will he?" Jack asked.

"I don't know. I was only young when he left. But I don't care-you're more important…"

Jack smiled as they drove off into the sunset.

_I'm not sure whether or not to do another chapter, to finish this off. If i do it'll just be fluff- a happy ending to the story, pure Janto. What do you think? Please review! Thanks..._


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